Togetherness

The magic words for a great relationship are,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Who, being loved, is poor?
- Oscar Wilde

Marriage, ultimately, is the practice of becoming passionate friends.
- Harville Hendrix

Love that does not renew itself every day becomes a habit and in turn a slavery.
- Khalil Gibran

Further reading: The #1 Secret of Great Relationships

What is Love?

Where There is Love, Nothing is Missing - a Parable

Relationship Quotes

Inspirational Love Quotes

Encouraging Quotes

Quotes about Loving You

Friendship Quotes

Regret

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
- Joseph Campbell

Accept everything about yourself - I mean everything.
You are you and that is the beginning and the end -
no apologies, no regrets.
- Henry Kissinger

Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back.
- Katherine Mansfield

Never regret your past. Change your future.

Further reading: You Can't Make Them Change

Questions to Ask Yourself Before Offering Helpful Advice

Coping with Heartbreak

How to Love Yourself

No Regrets Quotes

Self Respect Quotes

Being Yourself Quotes

Not Caring What People Think

Love me when I least deserve it - Swedish Proverb

Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Love me when I least deserve it, because that is when I really need it.
- Swedish Proverb

Marriage, ultimately, is the practice of becoming passionate friends.
- Harville Hendrix

Love is saying "I feel differently," instead of "You're wrong."
- Anonymous

Love that does not renew itself every day becomes a habit and in turn a slavery.
- Khalil Gibran

Love without jealousy. Love without need. Let love be an unconditional gift.

Further reading: What is Love?

How to Avoid Falling in Love With Love

Acceptance Makes a Great Relationship Even Better

Secrets of Happy Couples

Is Your Relationship in Danger? Take This 10 Question Quiz to Find Out

Relationship Quotes

Love Quotes

Romantic Quotes

Love is the ultimate truth at the heart of creation - Rabindranath Tagore

Love is the ultimate truth at the heart of creation.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Love is saying "I feel differently," instead of "You're wrong."
- Anonymous

The magic words for a great relationship are, "I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Let today be a day to gain a new appreciation of your partner, friends and family.

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Further reading: Relationship Articles

• 7 Secrets of Happy Couples
• The #1 Secret of Great Relationships
• Relationship Quiz
• How to Avoid Falling in Love With Love
• Beyond the Grief of Divorce - 7 Steps Toward New Beginnings
• Six Ways to End Bickering About Money
• How to Know When "Mister Right" is Mister Wrong - Dating for Women
  
• Online Dating After Divorce - A Man's Guide

Love Quotes

Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be. Robert Browning

Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be.
- Robert Browning

Marriage, ultimately, is the practice of becoming passionate friends.
- Harville Hendrix - author of Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples

Love is saying "I feel differently," instead of "You're wrong."
- Anonymous

Happiness lies in accepting everyone in our lives EXACTLY as they are. We cause ourselves untold misery whenever we believe others to be imperfect and try to change them. This is the number one rule for a happy relationship.
- jlh

Further reading: 7 Secrets of Happy Couples

Relationship Quotes

Cheerful Attitude Quotes

Cute Sayings about Love

Love's gift cannot be given, it waits to be accepted. - Rabindranath Tagore

Love's gift cannot be given, it waits to be accepted.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Love is not a mere sentiment. Love is the ultimate truth at the heart of creation.
- Rabindranath Tagore

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.
I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me.
I love you for that part of me you bring out.
- Roy Croft

Love is central to human existence - love of self, family, friends, and beyond. While the several kinds of love are all important, romantic love holds a special place in our lives.

*** “Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks are masters in the art of relationship transformation.”
- John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men Are From Mars...

The Hendricks have created two self-paced eCourses to be more accessible than their popular in-person seminars.

If your relationship is challenged, take a look at their Relationship Solution eCourse.

If you have not yet found the love of your life, consider their Attracting Love eCourse.

***

Further reading:
You may want to browse my articles on Relationships - Marriage, Dating, and Divorce.

Love is saying "I feel differently" instead of "You're wrong."

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother. - Roe Fulkerson

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother.
- Roe Fulkerson

I hope you had a great Thanksgiving dinner and an inspiring day of conscious gratitude.

Perhaps you spent Thanksgiving day with relatives you don't see often. If so, how did it go?

If you have a great relationship with your extended family, congratulations. Family can be one of the finest blessings of life.

But, if you get frustrated by some of your family, focus on the good aspects of your relationship and attempt to overlook the irritations. Then give thanks for everyone who plays a part in your life. If you must, take solace in this cynical George Burns quote, "Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."

***

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Further reading: The Brick - a story of brotherly love

Consider a new beginning with your family - choose to take them less seriously

A Story of Money

Where There is Love, Nothing is Missing - a Parable - jlh

Acceptance Makes a Great Relationship Even Better

What could be even better than forgiving your partner? For forgiveness to be needed, there must have been a perceived offense that triggered feelings of resentment and anger, but imagine never getting angry or resentful in the first place. Suppose you simply accepted all your partner's actions. In the presence of acceptance, there can never be resentment or anger, and therefore no need for forgiveness.

Your reaction is likely to be, "But he did something bad. She wronged me. It's his fault. She made me angry." Hmmmm... Can someone really MAKE me angry? I don't think so. We get angry when someone acts in a way that conflicts with how we prefer that they behave - nothing more.

Should you accept your partner's behavior? If their actions are violent or threatening, certainly not. If you feel endangered or even just generally unhappy with your relationship, consider ending it. But in the context of a generally happy relationship, accepting your partner exactly as they are is a recipe for creating an even stronger and happier connection.

Consider being more acceptive of your partner's behaviors. It is unlikely that they are intentionally aggravating you. Almost always, they are just doing what they think they should do. Try setting aside your own rules for how they should behave, and adopt a live-and-let-live attitude. Your relationship will become stronger and happier if you do.

Read The #1 Secret of Great Relationships

Forgiveness is Essential to a Great Relationship

If you have lived in the same home for years, you probably have a lot of stuff stored away. However neatly packed, anything you haven't put to good use for more than a year is probably a burden rather than a blessing. In a similar way, you likely have old stuff tucked away in the corners of your relationship. It is wonderful to dust off your great memories to reminisce and enjoy, but what about the old resentments and perceived affronts?

Forgiveness is essential to a great relationship. The longer you have lived together, the more important it is that you not accumulate resentments that tempt you to call upon them in times of disagreement. Make a vow to keep disagreements limited to the current issue. Avoid sentences that begin, "You always ..." or "You never ..." such as "You never remember my birthday." If something happened long ago, forgive and forget. Even if it happened yesterday, consider granting forgiveness for your own sake as well as your partner's. Forgiveness is especially a blessing upon the person doing the forgiving.

Let today be the day you do an emotional housecleaning of your relationship. Gather up all your old emotional baggage and put it out with the trash. Unlike your grandmother's wedding dress, your leftover emotions are of no value to anyone. Better yet, hold a fire ceremony, either alone or with your loved one. Write each past injury on a small slip of paper and release your attachment to that emotion as you feed the paper to the cleansing fire.

Read FORGIVENESS - the second Point of Simply An Inspired Life

Alcoholism in a Relationship - When to Stay, When to Leave

Alcoholism in a Relationship - When to Stay, When to Leave

"Alcoholic" is one of those words that raises high emotions. We tend to think of an alcoholic as someone who is violent, dangerous, and self destructive. We may also visualize an alcoholic as being selfish and not caring about anyone but themself. Sometimes those stereotypes are appropriate, but often they aren't.

By definition, and alcoholic is someone addicted to consuming alcohol, but how they behave when intoxicated, and the extent of their addiction vary widely. In addition, the word alcoholic is often used as a condemnation of someone who drinks more than their spouse would prefer.

So when can a loving spouse reasonably remain with an alcoholic, and when is it time to leave?

With one huge difference, the criteria for deciding the future of your relationship are the same whether your spouse is alcoholic or not:

1. If your spouse is physically violent or threatens physical violence, you must leave now - today. This is true whether your partner is drinking or just angry. It doesn't matter if they promise they will never hurt you again. It doesn't even matter if they promise to get help for their addiction. Violence or threats are cause to leave right now and seek safety.

2. If you feel safe and you are happy in your relationship, you have no cause to leave. Even if your spouse drinks too much for their own good, and even if they are unwilling to address their addiction, accept them as they are, love them, and don't pester them with demands to change their behavior. Of course you stand ready to support a decision on their part to get help in defeating their addiction, but you can't live their life for them.

3. If you are seriously unhappy because of any aspect of your relationship, consider leaving your partner. Whether the cause of your suffering is your spouse's addiction, philandering, angry outbursts, demeaning attitude toward you, or any other cause, it is your responsibility to take care of yourself.

The one exception to the general rule of maximizing your own well-being occurs when your partner makes a voluntary commitment to treatment for addiction and continuously follows up on that commitment. As long as you feel safe and you continue to see commitment and improvement, hold on. If your partner's progress turns to frequent backsliding, end the battle and take care of yourself by getting out of the relationship if you are suffering.

If children are involved in your decision, understand that their best interest is not well served by living with an addictive or hostile parent. Read Don't Stay in a Broken Marriage For the Children

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Visit these recovery websites by my friends and associates.

• Change your thinking - untangle your life (www.untwist-your-thinking.com) - Information and help for all addictive behaviors - food, substances, gambling, codependency, shoplifting. Ask a question. Tell your story. Hypnosis MP3s.

How to Avoid Falling in Love with Love

Falling in love with love has been the subject of parody from the time of ancient Greece, to Shakespeare's Twelfth Night, to the present. The 1938 Rodgers and Hart show tune describes falling in love with love as "falling for make-believe" and "playing the fool."

Do real life people actually fall in love with the idea of being in love? Unfortunately, it is actually quite common. Someone wants desperately to have the husband or wife of their dreams. They visualize the vine-covered cottage with the white picket fence. They choose the colors for the nursery. They design all the aspects of their married life. So what happens when mister or miss "Right" offers a brief smile?

Just as in the comedies, a person who is in love with the idea of love sees prospective partners through the lens of idealism. The reaction is, "This must be the one. They are so perfect - the match of my dreams." Is that person they just met a perfect match? It's unlikely their friends think so. So what happened? That person with the cute smile was not much more than a mirror for the hopes and dreams of the one in love with love.

If the relationship proceeds in spite of the warnings of friends and family, a grand crash awaits later. The idealism and vision of a perfect marriage explodes into a firestorm as soon as it becomes clear that the prospective partner was far from matching the idealized image.

Might you be in love with love? Might you be dating someone who is more in love with the idea of love than in love with you? Consider these questions about yourself and the person you are dating.

Before you met, did you have a clear image of who you wanted to marry? Perhaps you knew that you wanted to find a partner who is loving, kind, responsible, likes kids, isn't possessive or domineering, doesn't smoke or do drugs, and holds compatible beliefs about religion. It is important to have established standards such as those on which to evaluate a prospective mate. However if your image of the person you want to marry is highly visual or sensual, you may be in love with the idea of love.

Does your image sound like, "My husband is going to be six feet, with black wavy hair, no hair on his chest, big hands. We're going to have three children, and my husband is going to be the little league coach and boy scout leader for the boys." Or, "I'm going to marry a petite blond with big firm breasts. My wife is always going to wear a dress, and she is never going to work after the kids are born." Those sorts of images don't provide any room to marry a real person. No one could ever live up to those fantasies, and a relationship based on such fixed images is bound to crash.

While the preceding paragraph presents an exaggerated picture of falling in love with love, just tone it down until it matches what you have observed in a few of your friends. Then ask whether either you or the person you are dating has any tendency toward being in love with a fixed image of how a partner should be.

Great relationships begin with two people who are each self confident and who come to each other with the openness to see and accept the other as a unique and wonderful person. If there is true love and an alignment of fundamental values, choose to join your life with your new partner and vow never to criticize their nature - the essence that makes them uniquely themselves.

The #1 Secret of Great Relationships

Behind all the issues that separate an ordinary relationship from a great one, is one common factor. Behind all the truly helpful advice on improving your life together, there lies one key to a great relationship.

Many different kinds of problems can cause a relationship to fall apart. Physical or emotional abuse, addictions, cheating, jealousy, and neediness are just a few of the issues that can destroy a relationship. But once the many potentially disastrous problems have been avoided, what have you got? Perhaps a relationship that qualifies only as "pretty good." But what creates a really great relationship?

At the beginning, we are in relationship because we are attracted to the other person - we think they are sexy, smart, funny, whatever it is that we find appealing. But very quickly, the focus of the relationship turns to whether we feel appreciated. If we don't feel appreciated, we don't feel loved.

It is common for those entering into a relationship to hold an idealized image of how a perfect partner is supposed to act. Perhaps a man is supposed to open car doors. Perhaps a woman is supposed to wear a certain kind of underwear. The internal dialog goes something like this, "Jim (or Sally) is a wonderful person and loves me. After we're together, he will change because he loves me so much. He will stop wanting to hang out with his friends, watch football games, whatever." How can anyone feel appreciated when their loved one is wishing or hoping for them to change.

The greatest roadblock to a great relationship is trying to force a partner to change through bribes or threats. This classic human tendency is lampooned in the long-running off-Broadway musical comedy "I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change." It's funny to watch other people go through the cycle of searching for the perfect mate, believing they have found that person, and than gradually attempting to remold the supposedly perfect partner. Unfortunately, in real life, this pattern is a cause of immense suffering.

I Love You Just the Way You Are

The number one secret of a great relationship is accepting our partner EXACTLY as they are. We cause ourselves untold misery whenever we believe our loved ones to be imperfect and try to change them.

To create a great relationship, say and mean, "I love you just the way you are." No pretense. No hoping for change. No thought that it used to be better, or might get better. Follow through by living into that sentiment every day.

Falling into the trap of thinking, "I wish you were different" or "Please change." is no way to show your love. Happiness lies in this number one rule of great relationships: Love and accept your partner exactly the way they are.

Dont Stay in a Broken Marriage "For the Children"

If you are clear that you are miserable in your relationship, don't procrastinate on getting a divorce "for the sake of the children." While some experts would argue that having one parent move out of the home increases the stress on young children, consider the likelihood that the benefit of no longer seeing Mommy and Daddy fighting far outweighs any negative effects.

The premise for the remainder of this article is that you have already explored all avenues for rebuilding an empowering relationship with your spouse - you have talked, you have had counseling, you have contemplated your future.

Having determined that a happy relationship is no longer possible, you are considering remaining in your unhappy marriage "for the sake of the children." Don't do it. Here's why:

1. While growing up with two happy parents who love each other is probably the ideal nurturing environment for children, living with one happy parent is far better than living with two people who are unhappy and hate each other.

2. However noble your intentions, you are not going to be able to fake happiness for long. Your children will recognize your unhappiness almost at once, and that will cause them great suffering.

3. While you and your spouse may make an agreement never to argue or treat each other badly in front of the children, you will not be able to keep such an agreement. You will exchange icy stares, unkind words, and sarcasm - if not worse - in spite of your resolve and idealism.

4. Your own well-being does matter, don't discount the importance of your own happiness. Martyrdom is highly over-rated. There is no special place in heaven for those who suffer for no good reason. Don't let guilt - which is also highly over-rated - cause you to make a decision that will certainly cause misery for both yourself and your children.

5. It is your decision - and you are responsible only to yourself in making this decision. Don't be bullied by your partner, parents, relatives, friends, or church. They may have some so-called "moral" position, but the only important factors to consider in making this decision are your children's well-being and your own.

Consider a new beginning with your family - choose to take them less seriously

Consider a new beginning with your extended family - choose to take them less seriously. Take whatever they say as merely their opinion, which, of course, it is. Suppose Aunt Judy holds the opinion that you aren't doing the best with your life - or that your shirt is the wrong color - or your house isn't clean enough - so what? It's much easier to be gracious once you accept that her opinion is only her opinion - it's neither right nor wrong - it's just her opinion - and her opinion has nothing to do with you. As a new beginning, consider choosing to enjoy Aunt Judy for those ways in which she is pleasant to be around, and ignoring whatever she says that is not enjoyable or constructive. Your relationship (interaction) with each other human has both pleasant and unpleasant aspects. Enjoy the pleasant and don't become upset by the less pleasant.

7 Secrets of Happy Couples

7 Secrets of Happy Couples
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Why do some couples stay happy together for a lifetime, while others are in conflict almost from the beginning?

Part of the answer is compatibility - making the initial choice of a partner with whom you share common values. Equally much, however, depends upon the choices each partner chooses to make during the relationship. Here are seven choices made by happy couples:

1. Trust: Suspicion and jealousy are the death knell of any relationship. If the other is going to cheat or otherwise dishonor the relationship, suspicion and jealousy will not prevent it, and such a relationship is fatally flawed in any case. Unwarranted suspicion and jealousy create misery in a surprising number of relationships. If you want to live happily, trust your partner completely. If they dishonor your trust, deal with the situation then. In the meanwhile, you will have been happy.

2. Open Communication: Tell the truth, tell the whole truth. If you didn't want to share your whole life with your partner, why are you together? If you make a mistake, admit it. If you have doubts, talk about them. Secrets and lies kill a relationship. With truth and openness anything is possible. Even if something is unforgivable, it is better to deal with it quickly.

3. Honoring the other's point-of-view: People disagree, couples disagree. Understanding that the two partners in a couple remain individuals is crucial to a happy relationship. Why would you expect that you and your partner should agree on everything? Honor that one of you is a Republican and the other a Democrat. Honor that one of you is a vegetarian and the other loves a great steak.

4. Self-Confidence: Co-dependence is another frequent cause of failed relationships. Happy couples know that they don't need each other. Each partner is a completely whole and valid individual who has entered into a voluntary partnership. Neither "owns" the other, nor "can't live without" the other. Each has their own interests and friends, as well as having mutual interests and friends.

5. Generosity: Greed and selfishness kill relationships. True love is generous in spirit. Mostly, generosity is not about material things, although that is also important. To have a happy relationship, be generous of your time, your love, and your attention.

6. Forgiveness: Resentments and thoughts of revenge and vengeance have no place in a happy relationship. Happy couples forgive each other completely for everything the other has ever done or failed to do - no exceptions.

7. Gratitude: Happy couples are continuously grateful for each other. Every day there are a myriad of reasons to be grateful for your partner. Find those reasons each day, and thank your partner every day.

Is Your Relationship In Danger? Take This 10 Question Quiz To Find Out

Is Your Relationship In Danger? Take This 10 Question Quiz To Find Out
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You have the occasional argument. Sometimes you feel frustrated, and you have that uneasy sense that everything is not as it should be. Is your relationship in trouble? The answer may not be obvious. Take this quiz to measure the overall state of your relationship and highlight the trouble spots.

1. When you have an argument, is it about a specific issue, or is it about your partner's character? A specific issue would be, "You forgot to take out the garbage last night," while "you never remember anything," is a generalized character assassination.

2. Do you have more conflict or less conflict when the two of you get time alone together? Do a "date night" or a few days away renew your relationship, or create more stress?

3. Is there physical violence in your relationship? Have you come close to physical violence? Are there threats of physical violence?

4. How often does the thought that you would rather be with someone else pass through your mind?

5. Take one minute to write a list of what you like and what you dislike about your partner. How many "likes" and how many "dislikes" are on your list?

6. Do you seriously question your partner's faithfulness?

7. Do you have arguments about sex?

8. In times of emergency or grief - such as when a relative becomes ill or dies, do you and your partner pull together?

9. If you could turn the clock back to the day you first met your partner, would you choose a different direction for your life?

10. If you won the lottery, would you be overjoyed to share the blessing with your partner, or would you wish it were all yours?

Physical violence or threats are the biggest danger signs for your relationship and for your personal safety. If they are present, get professional help TODAY.

The following are all danger signs for your relationship. If several are present, your relationship is in real trouble:

• character assassination
• fantasizing often about being with someone else
• not having ready access to a list of your partner's great qualities
• doubts of faithfulness
• serious sexual incompatibility
• lack of mutual support in times of crisis
• a feeling of being stuck or obligated by the relationship

Question #2 offers hope that your relationship may be much sounder than it appears. Conflict in your relationship may be primarily a reflection of the stress in your individual lives.

Often, partners redirect frustration and anger about unrelated events toward each other. For example, your boss yelled at you, and you yell at your partner. This unconscious redirection is a behavior that can be overcome through conscious attention, and is not a reflection on the overall quality of your relationship. If you and your partner are loving and supportive toward each other in relatively stress-free situations, you likely have a basis for working through your other issues.

Read Jonathan's latest articles on relationship issues

Should You Try to Get Your Ex Back? When to Rekindle the Romance and When to Walk Away - 10 Questions You Need to Ask

Trying to Get Your Ex Back? A Look at the 10 Best and Worst Ways to Rekindle the Romance

Love Without Limits - jlh

I Love You Just the Way You Are

Happiness lies in accepting everyone in our lives EXACTLY as they are. We cause ourselves untold misery whenever we believe others to be imperfect and try to change them. This is the number one rule for a happy relationship.

Read my articles on relationships:

The "Spousal We" and 6 Other Ways to Leave Your Lover

How to Know When "Mister Right" is Mister Wrong - 7 Keys to a Great Relationship

Beyond the Grief of Divorce - 7 Steps Toward New Beginnings

Most of the Dating Advice You Have Read is Dead Wrong

A Man’s Guide to Online Dating After Divorce

Beyond the Grief of Divorce - 7 Steps Toward New Beginnings

If you have been divorced, you know it hurts - especially if your marriage had lasted many years. Whatever the circumstances of your relationship, and whatever the nature of its ending, there is always grief and regret - perhaps regret over the ending or perhaps regret over not ending the relationship sooner - or perhaps both. How to move past the grief and regret? No matter how painful, divorce, like all endings, opens the door to new beginnings. Let's examine several.

1. Get support: Don't be embarrassed to ask friends for support. Join a divorce support group. Join a more general women's or men's group like ManKind Project and share your story.

2. Reconsider your obligations: In reality, you have NO obligations. There is nothing you ever have to do, because everything you do or don't do is always a choice. Be especially clear that you don't owe anyone an explanation or justification for any of your actions - ever.

3. Simplify your life: There is nothing that you really NEED to have. Material possessions seldom bring joy. Consider eliminating whatever you haven't used in a year, and minimizing new purchases - not based on economy, but on your choice for leading a simple unencumbered life.

4. Try something new: What have you been wanting to do, but couldn't find the time or commitment to begin? Perhaps yoga, qigong, stretching, walking, a new spiritual class, a book discussion group, ballroom dancing.

5. Learn and explore: You are never too old for learning and discovery. Open your mind. Study something you always wanted to know about but that didn't seem necessary or practical - other cultures and times, comparative religion, whatever calls you.

6. Volunteer: Nothing works better for relieving self-pity than helping others who are worse off. Fill the time you would have spent feeling sorry for yourself by giving something of yourself to others.

7. Get away: If you can possibly afford it, take a trip with a group of compatible people - perhaps a spiritual journey. Also, ask what is tying you to the community where you currently reside. Now is a time to consider the question of where, and how, you really want to live.

Believe in yourself. You have free will. You, and only you, are responsible for your life.

Also read my article 7 Secrets for a Happy Life.