Love's gift cannot be given, it waits to be accepted. - Rabindranath Tagore

Love's gift cannot be given, it waits to be accepted.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Love is not a mere sentiment. Love is the ultimate truth at the heart of creation.
- Rabindranath Tagore

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.
I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me.
I love you for that part of me you bring out.
- Roy Croft

Love is central to human existence - love of self, family, friends, and beyond. While the several kinds of love are all important, romantic love holds a special place in our lives.

*** “Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks are masters in the art of relationship transformation.”
- John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men Are From Mars...

The Hendricks have created two self-paced eCourses to be more accessible than their popular in-person seminars.

If your relationship is challenged, take a look at their Relationship Solution eCourse.

If you have not yet found the love of your life, consider their Attracting Love eCourse.

***

Further reading:
You may want to browse my articles on Relationships - Marriage, Dating, and Divorce.

Love is saying "I feel differently" instead of "You're wrong."

Alcoholism in a Relationship - When to Stay, When to Leave

Alcoholism in a Relationship - When to Stay, When to Leave

"Alcoholic" is one of those words that raises high emotions. We tend to think of an alcoholic as someone who is violent, dangerous, and self destructive. We may also visualize an alcoholic as being selfish and not caring about anyone but themself. Sometimes those stereotypes are appropriate, but often they aren't.

By definition, and alcoholic is someone addicted to consuming alcohol, but how they behave when intoxicated, and the extent of their addiction vary widely. In addition, the word alcoholic is often used as a condemnation of someone who drinks more than their spouse would prefer.

So when can a loving spouse reasonably remain with an alcoholic, and when is it time to leave?

With one huge difference, the criteria for deciding the future of your relationship are the same whether your spouse is alcoholic or not:

1. If your spouse is physically violent or threatens physical violence, you must leave now - today. This is true whether your partner is drinking or just angry. It doesn't matter if they promise they will never hurt you again. It doesn't even matter if they promise to get help for their addiction. Violence or threats are cause to leave right now and seek safety.

2. If you feel safe and you are happy in your relationship, you have no cause to leave. Even if your spouse drinks too much for their own good, and even if they are unwilling to address their addiction, accept them as they are, love them, and don't pester them with demands to change their behavior. Of course you stand ready to support a decision on their part to get help in defeating their addiction, but you can't live their life for them.

3. If you are seriously unhappy because of any aspect of your relationship, consider leaving your partner. Whether the cause of your suffering is your spouse's addiction, philandering, angry outbursts, demeaning attitude toward you, or any other cause, it is your responsibility to take care of yourself.

The one exception to the general rule of maximizing your own well-being occurs when your partner makes a voluntary commitment to treatment for addiction and continuously follows up on that commitment. As long as you feel safe and you continue to see commitment and improvement, hold on. If your partner's progress turns to frequent backsliding, end the battle and take care of yourself by getting out of the relationship if you are suffering.

If children are involved in your decision, understand that their best interest is not well served by living with an addictive or hostile parent. Read Don't Stay in a Broken Marriage For the Children

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Visit these recovery websites by my friends and associates.

• Change your thinking - untangle your life (www.untwist-your-thinking.com) - Information and help for all addictive behaviors - food, substances, gambling, codependency, shoplifting. Ask a question. Tell your story. Hypnosis MP3s.

Dont Stay in a Broken Marriage "For the Children"

If you are clear that you are miserable in your relationship, don't procrastinate on getting a divorce "for the sake of the children." While some experts would argue that having one parent move out of the home increases the stress on young children, consider the likelihood that the benefit of no longer seeing Mommy and Daddy fighting far outweighs any negative effects.

The premise for the remainder of this article is that you have already explored all avenues for rebuilding an empowering relationship with your spouse - you have talked, you have had counseling, you have contemplated your future.

Having determined that a happy relationship is no longer possible, you are considering remaining in your unhappy marriage "for the sake of the children." Don't do it. Here's why:

1. While growing up with two happy parents who love each other is probably the ideal nurturing environment for children, living with one happy parent is far better than living with two people who are unhappy and hate each other.

2. However noble your intentions, you are not going to be able to fake happiness for long. Your children will recognize your unhappiness almost at once, and that will cause them great suffering.

3. While you and your spouse may make an agreement never to argue or treat each other badly in front of the children, you will not be able to keep such an agreement. You will exchange icy stares, unkind words, and sarcasm - if not worse - in spite of your resolve and idealism.

4. Your own well-being does matter, don't discount the importance of your own happiness. Martyrdom is highly over-rated. There is no special place in heaven for those who suffer for no good reason. Don't let guilt - which is also highly over-rated - cause you to make a decision that will certainly cause misery for both yourself and your children.

5. It is your decision - and you are responsible only to yourself in making this decision. Don't be bullied by your partner, parents, relatives, friends, or church. They may have some so-called "moral" position, but the only important factors to consider in making this decision are your children's well-being and your own.

Read Jonathan's latest articles on relationship issues

Should You Try to Get Your Ex Back? When to Rekindle the Romance and When to Walk Away - 10 Questions You Need to Ask

Trying to Get Your Ex Back? A Look at the 10 Best and Worst Ways to Rekindle the Romance

I Love You Just the Way You Are

Happiness lies in accepting everyone in our lives EXACTLY as they are. We cause ourselves untold misery whenever we believe others to be imperfect and try to change them. This is the number one rule for a happy relationship.

Read my articles on relationships:

The "Spousal We" and 6 Other Ways to Leave Your Lover

How to Know When "Mister Right" is Mister Wrong - 7 Keys to a Great Relationship

Beyond the Grief of Divorce - 7 Steps Toward New Beginnings

Most of the Dating Advice You Have Read is Dead Wrong

A Man’s Guide to Online Dating After Divorce

Beyond the Grief of Divorce - 7 Steps Toward New Beginnings

If you have been divorced, you know it hurts - especially if your marriage had lasted many years. Whatever the circumstances of your relationship, and whatever the nature of its ending, there is always grief and regret - perhaps regret over the ending or perhaps regret over not ending the relationship sooner - or perhaps both. How to move past the grief and regret? No matter how painful, divorce, like all endings, opens the door to new beginnings. Let's examine several.

1. Get support: Don't be embarrassed to ask friends for support. Join a divorce support group. Join a more general women's or men's group like ManKind Project and share your story.

2. Reconsider your obligations: In reality, you have NO obligations. There is nothing you ever have to do, because everything you do or don't do is always a choice. Be especially clear that you don't owe anyone an explanation or justification for any of your actions - ever.

3. Simplify your life: There is nothing that you really NEED to have. Material possessions seldom bring joy. Consider eliminating whatever you haven't used in a year, and minimizing new purchases - not based on economy, but on your choice for leading a simple unencumbered life.

4. Try something new: What have you been wanting to do, but couldn't find the time or commitment to begin? Perhaps yoga, qigong, stretching, walking, a new spiritual class, a book discussion group, ballroom dancing.

5. Learn and explore: You are never too old for learning and discovery. Open your mind. Study something you always wanted to know about but that didn't seem necessary or practical - other cultures and times, comparative religion, whatever calls you.

6. Volunteer: Nothing works better for relieving self-pity than helping others who are worse off. Fill the time you would have spent feeling sorry for yourself by giving something of yourself to others.

7. Get away: If you can possibly afford it, take a trip with a group of compatible people - perhaps a spiritual journey. Also, ask what is tying you to the community where you currently reside. Now is a time to consider the question of where, and how, you really want to live.

Believe in yourself. You have free will. You, and only you, are responsible for your life.

Also read my article 7 Secrets for a Happy Life.