Love's gift cannot be given, it waits to be accepted. - Rabindranath Tagore

Love's gift cannot be given, it waits to be accepted.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Love is not a mere sentiment. Love is the ultimate truth at the heart of creation.
- Rabindranath Tagore

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.
I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me.
I love you for that part of me you bring out.
- Roy Croft

Love is central to human existence - love of self, family, friends, and beyond. While the several kinds of love are all important, romantic love holds a special place in our lives.

*** “Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks are masters in the art of relationship transformation.”
- John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men Are From Mars...

The Hendricks have created two self-paced eCourses to be more accessible than their popular in-person seminars.

If your relationship is challenged, take a look at their Relationship Solution eCourse.

If you have not yet found the love of your life, consider their Attracting Love eCourse.

***

Further reading:
You may want to browse my articles on Relationships - Marriage, Dating, and Divorce.

Love is saying "I feel differently" instead of "You're wrong."

Open Mind - Open Heart: A wonderful gift may not be wrapped as you expect

A wonderful gift may not be wrapped as you expect.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I received an email asking, "I know exactly the kind of man I want. Why am I not finding him?" My answer was, "Perhaps by being so sure that you know what you want in a man you are overlooking some great possible partners. A wonderful gift may not be wrapped as you expect."

The principle of intent is not just applicable to dating, but is universal. Intention is a powerful force, but contains a hidden paradox.

If you have no idea what you want from life, you have no power to call anything important and satisfying into being. Therefore, envision your desire as a full color dream with surround sound. Make your dream very detailed, and so real you can smell and taste it.

However, Spirit has its own idea of what great gifts to give you. Once you have made your request, be open to receiving the bounty of the universe. Most likely, your gift will not look exactly as you visualized it. Be open to every phone call, every knock at the door. Most of us would just walk right past if we saw Jesus himself singing Christmas carols on the street corner.

The secret to accessing the power of intention is to follow two seemingly controdictory paths at the same time:

1. Visualize what you want. Plan and take positive action to achieve your goal.

2. Always be open to receiving the generous gifts of Spirit. Hold no expectations or demands on the form, the timing, or the color of the wrapping on the bountiful gifts of Spirit.

Affirmation: I am open to receiving the bountiful gifts of Spirit. My mind and heart are open.

Consider reviewing Unanswered Prayers and We attract abundance when we ask from a compassionate heart and Where There is Love, Nothing is Missing - a Parable and listening to the Leonard Cohen song "If It Be Your Will"

How to Avoid Falling in Love with Love

Falling in love with love has been the subject of parody from the time of ancient Greece, to Shakespeare's Twelfth Night, to the present. The 1938 Rodgers and Hart show tune describes falling in love with love as "falling for make-believe" and "playing the fool."

Do real life people actually fall in love with the idea of being in love? Unfortunately, it is actually quite common. Someone wants desperately to have the husband or wife of their dreams. They visualize the vine-covered cottage with the white picket fence. They choose the colors for the nursery. They design all the aspects of their married life. So what happens when mister or miss "Right" offers a brief smile?

Just as in the comedies, a person who is in love with the idea of love sees prospective partners through the lens of idealism. The reaction is, "This must be the one. They are so perfect - the match of my dreams." Is that person they just met a perfect match? It's unlikely their friends think so. So what happened? That person with the cute smile was not much more than a mirror for the hopes and dreams of the one in love with love.

If the relationship proceeds in spite of the warnings of friends and family, a grand crash awaits later. The idealism and vision of a perfect marriage explodes into a firestorm as soon as it becomes clear that the prospective partner was far from matching the idealized image.

Might you be in love with love? Might you be dating someone who is more in love with the idea of love than in love with you? Consider these questions about yourself and the person you are dating.

Before you met, did you have a clear image of who you wanted to marry? Perhaps you knew that you wanted to find a partner who is loving, kind, responsible, likes kids, isn't possessive or domineering, doesn't smoke or do drugs, and holds compatible beliefs about religion. It is important to have established standards such as those on which to evaluate a prospective mate. However if your image of the person you want to marry is highly visual or sensual, you may be in love with the idea of love.

Does your image sound like, "My husband is going to be six feet, with black wavy hair, no hair on his chest, big hands. We're going to have three children, and my husband is going to be the little league coach and boy scout leader for the boys." Or, "I'm going to marry a petite blond with big firm breasts. My wife is always going to wear a dress, and she is never going to work after the kids are born." Those sorts of images don't provide any room to marry a real person. No one could ever live up to those fantasies, and a relationship based on such fixed images is bound to crash.

While the preceding paragraph presents an exaggerated picture of falling in love with love, just tone it down until it matches what you have observed in a few of your friends. Then ask whether either you or the person you are dating has any tendency toward being in love with a fixed image of how a partner should be.

Great relationships begin with two people who are each self confident and who come to each other with the openness to see and accept the other as a unique and wonderful person. If there is true love and an alignment of fundamental values, choose to join your life with your new partner and vow never to criticize their nature - the essence that makes them uniquely themselves.

Read Jonathan's latest articles on relationship issues

Should You Try to Get Your Ex Back? When to Rekindle the Romance and When to Walk Away - 10 Questions You Need to Ask

Trying to Get Your Ex Back? A Look at the 10 Best and Worst Ways to Rekindle the Romance

I Love You Just the Way You Are

Happiness lies in accepting everyone in our lives EXACTLY as they are. We cause ourselves untold misery whenever we believe others to be imperfect and try to change them. This is the number one rule for a happy relationship.

Read my articles on relationships:

The "Spousal We" and 6 Other Ways to Leave Your Lover

How to Know When "Mister Right" is Mister Wrong - 7 Keys to a Great Relationship

Beyond the Grief of Divorce - 7 Steps Toward New Beginnings

Most of the Dating Advice You Have Read is Dead Wrong

A Man’s Guide to Online Dating After Divorce

Most of the Dating Advice You Have Read is Dead Wrong - jlh

Guys are supposed to act confident, buy flowers, tell jokes. Gals are told to hang on his every word, flirt, be coy. Baloney! Why be a pretend you - an imitation you - instead of a real you? As Judy Garland said, "Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else."

Why are you dating? If you are dating because you like to go on first dates, then fine - just play the actor or actress - and enjoy an evening of make believe. However, if you are dating because you want someone in your life longer term, stop the play-acting and be yourself.

The role-playing is completely counterproductive for two reasons. First, suppose that you are successful in impressing and attracting your date with your antics. What happens later when you let your guard down and revert to being yourself? You will be unmasked as not being the person your date was attracted to, and revealed as a phony beside.

The even more unfortunate situation occurs when your date is not attracted to your contrived persona, but would have loved the real you. What a huge loss to be on a date with the man or woman of your dreams and never even recognize them or have them recognize you because each of you were so busy play-acting.

What to do:

1. Clear the air. Before your first date, or on your first date at the latest, announce that you are going to relax and be yourself, and invite your date to be himself or herself as well. Some dates won't know what to make of that invitation, but the person you really want in your life will respond with gratitude, and will also relax.

If you are using an on-line dating service, be sure that your profile reflects the real you - without any puffery or distortion of your true qualities. Be proud of who you are, and share your true self. Have the "clear the air" conversation before you meet in person.

2. Choose relaxed places for your first few dates. There are environments that foster play-acting, and there are those that support each of you in being yourself. Choose the latter.

3. Ask for feedback. Dating is often a time for playing the guessing game as well as the play-acting game. Don't guess, ask how your date is feeling, what they want to do or not do. Give your date the same consideration as you would give a good friend.

4. Just remember to relax and be yourself. You will enjoy your date more - and you will create an opening for a wonderful long-term relationship with someone who likes the real you.

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