Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.
- Rabindranath Tagore
The next time you say, "my wife," "my husband," "my children," or even, "my friend," pause for a moment and ask yourself whether there isn't just a tiny bit of possessiveness in that statement.
True love is a process of co-creation in which neither feels ownership or superiority. Jealousy is a highly destructive force for love and relationships.
Further reading: The #1 Secret of Great Relationships
Rabindranath Tagore quotes
6 comments:
I received the question, "And what would you recommend. Seems awkward and I've never thought of it as possessive. Please suggest an alternative with this so it makes sense."
I'm certainly not suggesting that you change your phrasing, just to use it as a point for contemplation about your feelings toward your family.
There is no harm in common expressions as long as we are clear about our underlying feeling and motivations. As another example, consider the phrase, "have to," as in, "I have to go to the store." If our meaning is merely that there is no milk in the refrigerator and we'd like to have some for breakfast, that's fine. But it's important to remember that there is nothing we ever "have to do." We always have a choice about everything we do or do not do.
Just prior to this particular inspiration being posted, I had a discussion with a close girlfriend on this very topic. For me it brought up memories of my life with my ex-husband, in which everything was "my" this and that. In my opinion, his statements of "my wife", "my car" etc were truly possesive.
I will refer generically when speaking to someone who does not know me that well, as my friend/spouse etc. However when speaking to someone who does know the name of my significant other, I will use their name because it should be understood.
Even when we are in a relationship, we deserve to be individuals with the right to make our own decisions and be who we are.
Thank you for the thought provoking post. By the way what can you tell me about the statue which is pictured in the post?
LW
The statue in the photo is actually quite small - only a couple feet tall. It lives on the sidewalk in the middle of the block on a nondescript street somewhere in Venice Italy.
This is truly a quote to think on. Does this unconditional and freeing love exist in this world? I hope so. Through many challenges I have learned I have absolutely no control over what anyone else does, and that I have a big enough job figuring out my own path in life, so am not qualified to tell anyone else what is right for them. There is a freedom in letting go of someone.
I think this thought speaks to our need to control others out of a need to fill/complete something within ourselves. For me, if I can actualize my belief that my peace and happiness lie within me, are from my connection to the Divine, only then can I approach someone else with anything that resembles unconditional love. I pray for this for myself, for I believe my greatest joy freedom will be found through my experiencing unconditional love of self, and extention of that love to others.
Come on! Being possessive is also an expression of love. My husband, my children, my job, my patients, my school, my neighborhood, my church, my country, my world, everything is ours and has been entrusted to us to love and care for and cherish. Maybe only on loan for the years I am here but this is our assignment while we are alive to be good stewards of what has been entrusted to us especially the people who rely on us for care. is that what all people crave to belong and to be loved.
Anonymous- Come on... Love, especially unconditional love, is truly wonderful. It's the best that life has to offer.
I hope that the word "possessive" means something more positive to you than it does to me. When I think of "being possessive" I think of someone who believes that they know better than someone else what that other person SHOULD want. When we truly love someone, we help them to achieve what THEY want in life, rather than what we think that they SHOULD want.
People crave to belong and to be loved, but they also crave to be accepted. If my adult child chooses to be a poet, I do him a disservice if I nag him to go to medical school instead. If my adult child chooses to marry someone of whom I don't approve, I do her a disservice if I nag her about her choice.
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